The Guff

Ark Music Factory

In The Pile on March 19, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Ark Music Factory, apparently harmless but alarming none-the-less.

Ark Music Factory


As some of you may remember, yesterday we took a little peek at Rebecca Black and her hit single ‘Friday’ (you know, it being Friday ‘n all). I had a jolly chuckle and I hope some of you did as well.

But a little bit more wandering through the web took that smile straight of my face. It appears the whole ‘child pop musicians’ thing is escalating. It’s getting bad. Justin Bieber seems mature, palatable and talented in comparison to some of these kids. And almost everyone of these pre-teen aspiring pop stars can be traced back to Ark Music Factory.

What the fuck is Ark Music Factory I hear you ask. Well the clue is in the title, a music factory (shudder). Now, I think this is probably the first musical establishment i’ve heard of that describes itself as a “factory”, and for good reason too.

When I think of the term factory, I tend to think of Henry Ford, production lines, poor quality  and mass quantity. Factories are great for making lots of similar things, like cars for instance, or computers. But if you take a ‘factory’ approach and apply it to music, your results are going to be pretty shoddy, and I fear this is exactly what Ark Music Factory is doing.

Let’s take a look at their launch party. Now, throughout this horrible mess of a media event, how many songs premiered? 3, 4, 5,6? I don’t know, I lost count and they all started to blend into each other. In fact the only bits that really stood out to me where two incredibly stupid blunders.

Clueless Presenter: “Give it up everybody! Another young artist that has more talent than my little toe in my body”

I don’t think thats quite what you meant to say…

Clueless Interviewer: “What’s the name of your song?”

Clueless Ark Musician: “It’s called ‘Armor’ and it’s kinda a play on words. It’s pronounced armor but it’s spelled ‘a r m o u r’ , so its a play on words with love and everything.”

I hope she realizes that’s how half English speakers spell ‘Armor’.

However, ruling those two humorous errors aside the whole debacle was somewhat horrifying. Ark Music Factory fleece parents for god-knows how much money, promising to produce their child a song and a music video. The result? They have an endless roster of interchangeable teenage girls ready to be exploited for Ark’s gain.

If this is the future of pop, I want out.


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